‘Til the ambers smoke on the ground

I seem to live the eternal dilemma of never being content when I have things that need doing, and being utterly restless when I’m actually free of any pressure. So, as you might guess, during term time all I want is a break, and during breaks all I want is to go back to school again. It’s a problem, and sadly it’s quite typical of my nature; I’m never happy with what I have, and always seem to hang onto some kind of prospect in the distant future.

I deliberately planned nothing for this summer, because I wanted a complete rest after what was, essentially, the most difficult yet most exhilarating year of my life. And now all I’m doing is mooching around, getting depressed over the usuals: life being meaningless, lack of motivation, my impending doom… the worst thing that could happen is for this to continue until September. I need some way out of this funk, and fast.

It doesn’t help that I absolutely cannot sleep recently. I’m exercising and eating reasonably well, and although I’m only seeing friends sporadically I’m not out of touch with the outside world particularly.

One thing that often lifts me out of these apathetic phases is clearing out a wardrobe or organising a pile of crap – think of it what you will, but my OCD streak makes de-cluttering somewhat theraputic to me. I’ve been procrastinating this for a while, but I think my room is due for a bit of a tidy tomorrow, so here’s hoping I’ll be out of this mess soon enough. If not, I don’t really know what else to do!